In a world full of distractions and constant change, you may find it challenging to truly be 'mentally present' with your partner, or even with yourself. Here, we speak to co-founders of global holistic wellness platform DivineYou, mother-daughter duo Hiral and Priyanka Ghaghda, who highlight that "a conscious relationship with another always begins with a thriving relationship with yourself."
Priyanka Ghaghda. Image courtesy of DivineYou
What is a conscious relationship?
HG: An ideal relationship is a space and connection between two people which is generative, contributes to the wellbeing of both parties involved and fosters a space that does not require either of the parties to forego any part of themselves. A scenario where either one has to compromise themself and go against what is inherently true for them in their universe is not a conscious relationship.
It becomes a burden rather than being a contribution to the other. This brings us to another crucial element in a relationship - intimacy with yourself. When you truly know yourself and are comfortable in your skin, [that] is when you can truly contribute to the other [person] in the relationship.
You can never have intimacy with another if you are avoiding being alone with yourself or have a fear of rejection. You will always find yourself cutting parts and pieces of yourself in order to accommodate the other. A conscious relationship with another always begins with a thriving relationship with yourself, where you don't give your power to anyone outside of you for anything and are the source of your happiness at all times.
Image by Everton Vila
In a world increasingly dominated by technology, how can we ensure we are mentally present when with someone?
PG: Technology isn’t the issue here. It’s the level of priority you give to your partner, if your reasons for being in a relationship aren’t congruent, you’ll find yourself checking out of the relationship often. You may start finding yourself emotionally confiding in other friends or simply not being present with your partner with distractions of media or technology. This is the time you really want to get present with yourself and ask, 'do I really want a relationship?', or 'is this person really contributing to my life?'. You see, no one forces us to be in a relationship, it is always a choice. But we fail to recognise this inherent free will because of the projections, expectations, separations, judgements and rejections that we have of ourselves and our place in the world.
A sure-shot way of being present with someone is the ability to be present with yourself. If you don’t completely know yourself, your boundaries, what makes you tick and what allows you to be your expanded self, you’re going to find someone who is at the same level of unconsciousness. That's two unconscious people coming together and building a relationship on the foundation of inauthenticity- and that’s only going to lead to disaster.
What are some key skills we can use to increase consciousness in a relationship?
PG: Any decision you make with regard to your partner or a potential mate, you want to make sure it's not the by-product of your definitions, conclusions, assumptions and computations. Our mind works in a way that makes all of these projections so real and true, thereby solidifying it into our reality. Our worldview then is limited to everything we’ve concluded about ourselves, our partners and our potential in relationships.
Mother-daughter duo Hiral and Priyanka Ghaghda, Co-founders of DivineYou
HG: Developing intense awareness of your inner world is the key which will open doorways to a space from which to create a solid foundation for any relationship to thrive. Honour, trust, allowance, gratitude and vulnerability are the skills you want to master as well if you wish to lead a fulfilling relationship, be it with yourself or another.
Anything else we should remember?
HG: Step into any relationship for the right reasons, making sure you don’t have any agendas that are hidden - even from you. If you follow the rule of thumb of creating from a space of lightness and joy, then the end result will also be the same. divineyou.life